Tag Archives: recovery

Recharge in His presence

I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. – psalm 121:1-2 

People often acknowledge the strength that has been portrayed through my life . It takes a lot of strength to carry yourself through mental suffering. To find the strength to maintain yourself in your recovery journey, and to participate in daily activities. 

In this post I want to share where I found the strength the past few years: in His presence. You need to learn to recharge yourself in His presence. See yourself as a battery and his presence as a charger. Stay in His presence until you feel strengthened enough. During tough seasons I found myself days following each other abiding in his presence. 

There are different ways to spend time in the presence of the Lord. I achieve this by listening to worship. Other people achieve this by spending time in complete silence, and focusing on the Lord. Another option is through prayer. Your relationship with the Lord should be personal and in that you’ll find what is best in your communication with Him. 

Whenever you feel worn out by your mental battles, I encourage you to spend time in his presence and let him recharge you. Ask the Lord to strengthen you and see how He will show up. He will strengthen you in such a way that you’ll look back to seasons in your life and will be amazed by the strength you had. 

I want you to remember that you’re never alone, you can acknowledge His presence at any time of the day. And He will give you the strength you need. 

Don’t give up, 

Christ and I are rooting for you. 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:6-7

Christ, the savior

In this blog post, I want to highlight another aspect of Jesus’ identity. Today, I want to emphasize that He is a savior, someone who saves you from dangers or difficulties.

If you find yourself in a challenging situation, Jesus will save you. He is known for saving us from eternal death, infinite suffering, and ongoing pain (Matthew 13:50). He did this by dying on the cross for us, which He did out of love. He saves us because He loves us.

The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing. – Zephaniah 3:17

His qualities as a savior do not stop at the cross. He wants to be your savior in your everyday life.

He saves you by protecting you:

“The Lord watches over you, the Lord is your shade at your right hand.” – Psalms 121:5

He saves by guiding you on the right path: The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. – Deuteronomy 31:8

Saving is in His DNA.

He is especially your savior when you are struggling with your mental health. The strength you need is found in His presence, and He will be there to comfort you.

Struggling with your mental health is often very complex and can be tangled with unhealed trauma. This is one of the reasons why doctors often can’t fully help people get out of a mental state; it is too complex.

Jesus, however, is the maker of heaven and earth. Nothing is too hard for Him. While I was going through mental illness, Jesus gave me insight into the root causes. He was there with me every step of the way and led me to a place of deliverance.

But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, He shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.- John 14:26

You’ll always have hope because you’ll always have Him.

Christ, the keeper

This is another blog post about the characteristics of Jesus, which is different than how He is portrayed in culture. Today I want to introduce Him as a keeper:

Someone who will carry you through and cause you to endure. 

While I was going through mental suffering, I can honestly say that it was the intimacy with Jesus that has kept me. 

Intimacy with Jesus is like an anchor, one thing that is steady when everything else around you is shaking. In intimacy with Him I found, hope, strength, and the ability to move forwards step by step. 

I will be your God throughout your lifetime until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will carry you. I will carry you along and save you. – Isaiah 46:4

Trials and tribulations are inevitable in this life, whether they take place mentally or in other areas. Furthermore there are numerous examples of people in the bible that went through suffering. One biblical figure I want to highlight in this post is the life of Joseph. This man was a free man and sold into slavery by his own brothers. Later in his life, he was detained as an innocent man. God allowed Joseph to go through a tremendous amount of suffering. However, what is also seen in the story of Joseph is the way God blessed Him in his difficult seasons. The bible says that as a slave and a prisoner, God was with him and allowed everything he did to succeed, favoring him in his difficulties (Genesis 39). Although Joseph went through unfair suffering the Lord carried Him through and caused Him to endure. 

Have you felt imprisoned, because of your mental suffering?

Have you felt like you are not capable to do certain things or to live in a certain way?

When you give your life to Christ, He will keep you through your mental suffering. This will happen in such a way that you’ll look back and question how you kept yourself standing or how you survived certain things. This is one of the benefits of having an intimate relationship with Christ. I don’t know why some people go through mental suffering and others don’t.

However, I do know that Christ will keep you in the midst of it. 

Christ, the rebuilder

I feel called to emphasize characteristics of Jesus that are not enough talked about in our culture. The sole reason I do this is because I experienced Jesus in this way, and I want to share this experience with others. 

In this post, I want to introduce Him as a rebuilder. 

Someone who builds something again after damage or deconstruction. 

I want to focus on a biblical figure known as the woman with the issue of blood (Mark 5: 25-34). This woman was bleeding for twelve years straight. She visited multiple doctors, but none of them were able to heal her. The bible even mentioned that throughout the years her condition only got worse. On a certain day, Jesus happened to be nearby, and she already heard of him. Or how I would like to call it: She had a revelation of who He was. 

She went through the crowds and touched His robe. She had enough faith to know that if she could only touch his robe, she would be healed. In fact, she did get healed. Jesus felt that healing had gone out of him, noticed the woman, and told her: 

Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace. Your suffering is over – Mark 5:34 

Imagine the life of this woman. How damaged and broken areas of her life have been, because of her condition. 

Can you resonate with this woman? Maybe you have been suffering mentally for years and already tried everything. And are other areas of your life affected, because of your mental suffering? 

I want to encourage you by looking at the response of the woman with the issue of blood. She touched his robe, which is a form of intimacy. 

Her life was rebuilt through intimacy with Jesus. So, even when your life seems damaged beyond repair, Jesus has the ability to rebuild your life.  

Because of Jesus, the suffering of this woman was only temporary. And if you surrender your life to Him, this will apply to you as well. Whether he heals you on this side of eternity or whether it’ll be the moment you transition to heaven, your mental suffering is only temporary. 

I will rebuild you my virgin Israel and you will again be happy and dance merrily with your tambourines. – Jeremiah 31:4 

Surviving suffering

‘Suffering is a subject that is not covered enough in churches’.

This is a saying I’ve heard often during my healing process. When one goes through a season of suffering, it often goes together with questions. These are often centred around the unfairness of the trials in comparison with the good deeds of a person. Suffering is a part of life, and I want to help you to get through seasons of suffering. 

The story of Paul in prison is an inspiring story. Paul was a man in the bible and known for preaching the gospel in every circumstance. His motivation was that he wanted to give himself fully to the purposes of Christ. He describes his life as follows: 

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. – Galatians 2:20

During his life, he was imprisoned and beaten multiple times. Although, he never did an act that actually deserved imprisonment. He even ended up in prison once  because of a lie that was told (Acts 21:28). He certainly did everything right, because he devoted his entire life to Christ. However, he endured immense suffering. 

Paul kept his focus on spreading the beautiful message of Jesus. During one of his imprisonments, in 66 B.C. , he wrote letters (2 Timothy 2:8–9). In an age where there was no such thing as a pen or pencil, one would not know where he found an object to write. However, he was determined to spread the message of Christ. 

Paul is an inspiration when we go through seasons of suffering. In the way in which he kept His eyes on Christ, our true price, during his multiple hardships. His love for God and His truth outweigh the suffering he had to endure. 

I want to invite you to seek intimacy with Jesus in your season of suffering. Where you will truly experience the beauty of an intimate relationship with Christ, that will help you to see your suffering in perspective. If you survive your suffering, then Christ will get the glory and if the suffering is so bad that your body decides to give up, you’ll be with Christ. 

But Paul said it better:  I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. – Philippians 1: 20-21 

It is not over

‘… many suicides happen impulsively in moments of crisis with a breakdown in the ability to deal with life stresses, … ’. – World health organization (https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/suicide) 

Suicide is often a side effect of severe depression. The black and white thinking that often comes along with a depressive episode tricks your brain into thinking that there is no way out. 

I am here to encourage you that whatever your situation is, and how impossible it may seem, it is not over. At moments when life sweeps you over, and you feel too weak to carry on, Jesus wants to show his strength and make up for your weakness. At moments when the mountain in front of you is that big, that it makes you question whether to stay alive. Know that there is no mountain that Jesus is not able to move. 

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. – 2 corinthians 12:9 

I often found myself stuck in black and white thinking. I always had thought patterns along the lines of: ‘ I would never recover from my mental illnesses’ or ‘I would never get over certain traumas’. Because of the severity of the diagnoses I had at the time, medically speaking, there was indeed a small chance I would be able to function healthily. 

Yet, I also believed that Jesus loved me. Therefore, He would never allow me to be in a situation which I would not be able to handle with Him. 

And I was right. 

During my recovery process, I became more sensitive to His voice and he showed me exactly which way to go, one step at a time. 

At moments when the mountain in front of you is that big, it makes you question whether to stay alive. Know that Jesus wants to show you what to do in your situation. At times He will show you the way to go and at other times He will encourage you to stay still and trust in Him. 

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” – Isaiah 30:21 

Professional treatment is key

I am a firm believer in the importance of seeking professional help when suffering with mental illness. Through professional treatment, I learned to observe and handle my thoughts. Thereby, I learned to put my thinking process into words. With that I learned healthy coping mechanisms. And even suffered from less trauma complaints. 

Because of the methods I learned in therapy, I was better able to express my mental issues in my relationship with Jesus, and this in itself brought me a lot of healing. 

Below I want to discuss a few of my favorite treatments and in which way I actually learned from them. 

EMDR– stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing,  and is a well-known treatment that helps one to cope with traumatic complaints. Because of EMDR, some of my traumatic experiences lost their emotional weight, which made them more bearable. Thereby, did I suffer from less traumatic complaints after finalizing this treatment. 

CBT– stands for cognitive behavioral therapy. This treatment taught me to be aware of thought processes that are going on in my mind. I learned how they were developed and also became aware of the toxicity of them. Besides, did I learn exercises which helped me to have more control over my thought life.

ERT– stands for emotion regulation therapy. This treatment helped me to become aware of my emotions. I learned a lot about what exactly happens in my mind when I feel certain emotions. Thereby did I learn healthy coping mechanism so that I know what to do whenever I feel that my emotions are taking over. 

These treatments will take some time  depending on the severity of your illness. The more severe your mental illness is, the longer these treatments will take. 

However, I can assure you that it is all worth it. 

I must give notice to the fact that professional treatment can be very painful at first. I’ve often seen that when people start with professional treatment it is so hard to be confronted with their emotional baggage that they quit with their treatment. I can testify that enduring this initiation period and finishing your treatment is rewarding.

This can be compared with cleansing a physical wound. First you will have to disinfect the wound which is very painful. However this is necessary to make sure that the wound heals. The same goes for an emotional wound. 

The first steps of healing are always the hardest, but it gets better. 

So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up – Galatians 6:9 

To medicate or not to medicate

I want to start this post with the statement that I’m not a licensed psychiatrist and that you should always put their advice above any other. 

However, I have been on high doses of medication for mental illness for 3,5 years and I have also successfully quit that medication. Starting and quitting mental health medication is an entire journey in itself and, with this motivation I would like to advise you. 

It was explained to me as if you could see your mental illness as a broken leg and medication as crutches. It is an amazing tool that’ll help you move forward, but you will still have to deal with your broken leg. For the reason that you cannot walk on crutches for the rest of your life. The goal is for your leg to be healed in such a way that you do not need any crutches anymore. The same goes for your mental condition. 

This process can take years and please take your time. 

However, I do think being dependent on these medications for many decades should not be the intention. There are always cases where someone will have to be in a wheelchair for the rest of their lives, and the same goes for medication that helps you cope with mental illness.

On the other hand, if you do not belong in this category, I am speaking to you. 

A reason why a lot of people keep lingering on their medication is because it is really hard to quit if you’ve taken it for a long time. Personally, I suffered from a lot of withdrawal symptoms and because of this I would advise you to take as little of a dose as possible. Take whatever  you need to be able to function. The same advice goes for whether to start using medication. If you are able to go on with your daily activities, I would advise to not begin with medication. 

Therefore, combine your use of medication with constant physiological treatment. In this way, you will practically learn how to handle your symptoms. 

My last piece of advice is, if you want to quit with your medication, that you are stronger than you think. And It gets worse, before it gets better. 

Depending on the duration of your medication use, there will be a withdrawal period at first. This is the hardest part. However, if you find a way to get through that, the feeling of being in touch with your emotions and the clarity will be worth it. 

My biggest motivation for enduring my severe withdrawal symptoms was you. I wanted to show people that there is life after severe mental illness, and that it is not a world you have to stay stuck in. 

Quitting my cocktail of medication was terrifying and at times I thought I was not able to keep going, but with good guidance from professionals I (with the grace of God) made it happen. 

The use of medication is not a world where you have to stay stuck in. 

I will be your God throughout your lifetime until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you.- Isaiah 46:4 

He is life (part 3)

This is part 3 of the series of Jesus being the way, the truth and life when suffering from mental illness. 

During the years I was suffering from mental illness, I never understood why Christians are against suicide or euthanasia. I always thought that if they suffered as much as I did, at the time, they would understand why a person would make one of  these decisions. I asked Jesus a lot of questions in these seasons.

Did He enjoy watching me suffer this deeply? Or did I do something wrong, and is this His punishment for me? 

During my recovery process, I realised that death could never be a solution to mental suffering, because Jesus promotes life.  The entire gospel is about Jesus overcoming death, so we could live. As Christians we know that death could never be the solution to your mental illness. This is with the reason that death is not the mental peace you desire, it is simply a portal to an afterlife. 

Death could never be the solution to your mental illness, because Jesus overcame death. 

Jesus wants you to live, because He designed you to live. And I, of all people, know how hard and suffering life can be. But you were never meant to do it alone. Jesus can be next to you, every step of your life. From your first breath until your last.

If you let Him. 

He is not a God that throws you on the earth, watches you in agony to see if you will make it. He is a God that is standing next to you, to catch every tear. Furthermore, He is a God that lived on this earth and suffered tremendously. Which means that He is no stranger to suffering. 

He understands you. 

As hard as life can be, know that Jesus wants to be your comfort. An intimate relationship with Him will help you to understand his character and hear his voice. You’ll experience that He wants to help you to get through your hardest days. 

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. – Matthew 11: 28 

Jesus is pro-life, not to punish you nor to watch you suffer. Neither did He promise you an easy life. However, he did promise to love you and never leave you. 

He is the way (part 1)

In this series, I want to discuss the popular saying of Jesus being the way, the truth, and the life. 

This is derived from the famous bible verse John 16:4, which says: ‘Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.’ 

I believe he is also all of these components when you are suffering from mental health problems. In this post, I want to discuss how Jesus not only is the way, but will also help you through the way. 

When you think about a road, you can only look forward for a certain distance. After that, it gets blurry, and you will have to trust that there is still a road left, beyond what you can see. This is precisely the same when you are recovering from mental illness. Oftentimes, it seems like you are in a never-ending battle. However, you can trust that there is a way to your recovery. Since Jesus is the way, and he promises to make one. 

”Behold, I am going to do something new, Now it will spring up; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert.” – Isaiah 43:19 

Throughout your recovery, you can trust in this promise. But also knowing that during your process, you can lean on him. I will not lie, recovering from mental illness is a harrowing and challenging road. However, it is one of the best decisions you will ever make. There will be moments when you will feel too weak to fight this battle, but within these moments, leaning on Jesus will give you strength. 

He will strengthen you in unimaginable ways, in moments where it feels like you have nothing left.

”But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ”

– 2 Corinthians 12:9. 

An intimate relationship with Jesus has helped me through years of treatment. In crying out when it was too hard, reminding me to not give up, and assurance that better times were coming. 

I, myself, was not able to go through this process of recovery. However, I was convinced that Jesus could. So with Him, I believed I was capable. 

And I know you are too. 

”For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” – Philippians 4:13