Tag Archives: recovery

The great illusion

The belief of an end to your mental suffering. 

Or a magical solution for all the current problems you are facing. 

The dream of the idea that you do not need to fight or hang on any longer. 

Add the above to the thoughts in your head that go towards a negative spiral. Which makes life look even darker than it in reality is.

However, all together is the intense desire of suicide nothing more than an illusion. 

An Illusion can be described as an unjust interpretation of reality. The reality is that mentally you are suffering, and it seems like it is never ending. The illusion is that suicide is the solution. 

But if suicide is not the solution, you may ask, then what is? 

A relationship with Jesus in combination with the right medication and professional treatment. 

A relationship with Jesus while being suicidal makes you experience that you are not facing this battle alone. Because the One that literally overcame death is standing next to you. 

He is there to counsel you, to strengthen you, and to be a safe refuge when you need to get away from your suffering. 

He can be all that and so much more if you let Him. 

I personally have never experienced Jesus’ presence and strength more in my life than the moments when I was at my lowest. Therefore, I am a witness of the way in which Jesus carries you through painful seasons. 

‘’The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. – Psalm 34:18’’ 

In practice, when you find yourself in a place where you feel like your negative thoughts are taking over and with that you feel out of control. Run to His presence and cry out to Him. 

Tell Him everything that goes on in your mind and do not hold back. Make this a habit every time you find yourself at such a bad mental place. 

You will see for yourself the effectiveness. Thereby, you will experience the biblical promises of who Jesus is when someone is suffering. And with that you will learn to get to know the heart of Jesus. 

The cross was the first time He saved you. And He wants to do it again. 

“There is no one like the God of Israel. He rides across the heavens to help you, across the skies in majestic splendor. The eternal God is your refuge, and his everlasting arms are under you. He drives out the enemy before you; he cries out, ‘Destroy them!’. “So Israel will live in safety, prosperous Jacob in security, in a land of grain and new wine, while the heavens drop down dew.”- ‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭33:26-28 ‭

A playlist for the bad days

Bad days. 

We all know them.  

They taste like suffering that will last forever. 

As if a light at the end of the tunnel feels nothing more than a false promise. 

It is easy to be swept away by a hard season. Even more when you have had multiple of them that follow-up on each other. It is easy to go into a roller coaster of negative thoughts that will slowly get a grip on you. Some events are so traumatic that their grip on our lives is more than fair. However, on the dreadful days it is important that you distract your mind. 

By putting your focus on something else. 

Whenever I talk about unjust suffering and that God’s plan with our suffering is not always in line with ours, I like to refer to the book of Job. 

A very tiny summary: Job is a man in the bible that lived according to God’s will. Then God allowed him to go through a lot of tremendous and lasting suffering for decades. All this time, Job did not know why he had to go through this. Nonetheless, He stood firm in the knowledge that God had a plan for his life and that He is a good God. Because of his faith God rewarded Job after decades of suffering. 

 He got back what He lost and more! 

Sometimes I wonder If Job ever knew why he had to suffer. 

If he ever knew what the bigger purpose was. 

Today I know, whenever a Christian goes through a hard time. We just look at the book of Job and think if Job can do it, then I can do it too. Thereby, we have an example of how our attitude should be when we are suffering. 

Crying out to God and having faith that his plans are good.  

I want you to know that there is a God in heaven that has a higher purpose with the pain you are feeling right now. This does not mean that the outcome you want for your situation is in line with God’s plan. Nevertheless, know that His ways are best and that He is a good God. 

I made a playlist for you, because music carried me through my darkest seasons. This playlist is centred around what I believe in. Namely, that God is fighting our battles. As well as that He will never ever let us go.  

On my bad days I literally put music themed around this topic  louder than my thoughts. So I was forced to listen to the lyrics and let them comfort me. 

Bad days. 

We all know them. 

However, we also know our God. 

Get it off your chest

If you are older than twenty years, chances are high that you have been through something traumatic. Some people have been through more things than others, but the longer you have been around, the more you have experienced how tough life can be.  

We live in a world where we learn at a young age that we should never ‘put everything on the table.’ To not be too open about things that go on in our life etcetera, etcetera. 

I certainly agree that when you are talking about things that have emotional weight, you should be careful to do it in a safe environment. Or only with professionals that have a duty of confidentiality. 

But every painful experience you have been through will find its way out anyway. It’ll find its way out in how you approach difficult situations. It could find its way out in how you interact in relationships. Or the worst situation could be, that’ll find it’s way out in your parenting style. And therefore will be given off to your legacy. 

There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. – Luke 12:2 

It’s not something odd that people avoid talking about experiences  that scarred them. 

Because it is painful. 

A friend of mine told me that the process of healing is for the brave. Because often treating the wound hurts more than being wounded. However to fully recover, you have to clean the wound. 

Just as in the physical, when dealing with an emotional wound the first few touches will be the toughest. It will hurt and chances are high you will almost re-live what you have been through. There is a tendency to give up, but right there you have to press on. 

It’ll get better. 

I want to emphasize being  conscious about your coping mechanisms. So that in the process of facing your wounds that you keep yourself safe. 

However the reason that I encourage opening up, is because I’ve seen the benefits of it in my personal life. I know the feeling of carrying painful things on your chest. Thereby have I also experienced the freedom that comes along when emotional pains have been lifted. 

And that freedom is beautiful. 

To the Suicidal one: You don’t want to die

You don’t want to die.

Death is no solution.  

Having suicidal thoughts is a side effect of a severe depression, which means that when you are suicidal your mental health is remarkably bad. 

Depression puts your mind in a negative cognition. So everything is perceived through a more pessimistic lens. Therefore are the chances high that when your mental health recovers your suicidal thoughts will fade as well. 

The first sprinkle of hope… 

You don’t want to die, you want to end the emotional pain you have. Life can be hard and painful, but also so so beautiful. I don’t have an immediate solution for the agony that comes with being alive now. But I do want to change your perspective on the fact that everything is temporary. Your situation may seem hopeless, but a change of perspective, maybe with the help of someone else, will lead to better days. Or even happiness.

The second sprinkle of hope… 

I once read a quote about that when someone commits suicide they transfer the pain they’ve been carrying themselves to their loved ones. Personally, I couldn’t agree more. I don’t want to talk you into guilt. I just want to state the truth. You think a successful suicide attempt will be the solution for your situation but it simply is not. 

Don’t take me wrong I know what living in severe emotional pain for longer periods of time feels like. And I’m giving this advice out of the experience. The only way out of your struggles is being brave and looking your pain right in the eye. And heal from thereon.

It is tremendously hard, but definitely possible. When I realized the only way out was to face (in my case) my traumas. I found solace in the fact that I didn’t have to do it by myself.

For I am the Lord your God

who takes hold of your right hand

and says to you, Do not fear;

I will help you. – Isaiah 41:13-14 

I found rest, strength, and ultimate deliverance in Christ. His word strengthened me in ways that I can’t describe. As I was sorting out my pain I found peace in knowing that the one who holds the universe holds me by my hand.

This was my solution.